The Psychology Of Buying A Home

Butch & Jon sit down with Mandy Watkins-Lusk, PHD, Associate Professor & Program Coordinator of Special Education at Clayton State University.  Mandy is the co-author of the book, "Motivated to Learn".   In this episode, we discuss the important points that a couple should discuss with each other before buying a home.  

Transcript

Hi everybody, my name is Butch Whitfield and we're here for our first episode of Porch’n with Butch and Jon. We're covering real estate and lifestyles. And today we have one of my favorite people in my life. This is Mandy Watkins. She has her masters in psychology at Mississippi State University as well as a PhD in well at North Texas University. She's co-authored a book and she is here to give us some legitimacy to real estate with me and Jon. Now let's see this book you co-authored. Tell me a little bit about it. Oh well so my PhD is in behavior disorders like you said. Right. So it focuses predominantly on students and mental health issues and K-12 and so we wrote a book to look at strategies and when kids are having a challenge of behaviors much like we do sometimes right and how to cope with those strategies. We have our first topic to talk about which is the cycle. No it isn't that's our second one. We had five things a couple should do with each other before buying a home and let's talk about number one. Okay all right so I wrote a little list.

First obviously we want to talk about budget right and so I tend to think of like in a partnership that one is more a little bit more finance savvy than the other right. We all have our roles to play in the relationship. Yeah isn't that weird? It is it's bizarre but and so you don't want to so I in my partnership I am not the financial savvy one so I didn't want to stress my partner out when I look at for house five years ago but one of the big things is that you want to come to this compromise with the budget but also too you want to feel comfort with it so when we originally worked with but our budget was like you know I don't know 100 grand maybe. It wasn't that you you were you were you were what is my word here. They're very realistic but I think what I think the market. Well realistic outside of any place but at land I guess. You're very realistic. So I think this is this is the that first step is understanding the finances making sure on the same page I had written down something very similar to which is called sort of a money date night or you sit and talk about you know date night is one thing but making sure because the finances of it all that's one of the most stressful parts besides the logistics right. So have a money date. Yeah talk about your budget right so that I think if the one spouse hasn't communicated what the budgets are in the expectations you're not stressing each other out because you're on the same page right but also to probably the knowledge of understanding the market that you're wanting to live in financially I think we're a little unaware of that you know and so when you get when we gave you the budget you're like okay I could tell like your jaw clenched a little bit but you just rolled with it and you never made us feel any kind of way that we were less than you know whatever but you know I mean after seeing a few properties we realized we had to up it because that because what we wanted we had to up right there you were a city girl yeah we weren't in the city no and so but the Keith was from the sort of he was sort of outlying areas of the sit down he was and so it took you a minute also recognize each other's priorities right so that would be the the next one come up with a priority list yes when you are starting your search right yeah and you want to talk I think you're gonna talk about the nostalgia of like the child homes and stuff right and so I think that's where Keith was on it where he wanted something more nostalgic and I wanted something completely polar opposite of something that grew up in you bring up a good point because I think what we find too is when you when you're asking the questions about what the couple's looking for it is interesting to ask the question where did you grow up because then it's going to be interesting to see what type of architecture style home that they're gravitating towards and a lot of times it has to do with like what you said right the home that they grew up in right yeah absolutely for sure so another thing I don't know list was obviously they always say location location location right right but really like for us and I'm thinking other people is that you have to think about what your Saturday mornings look like on a typically functioning family right like a Saturday morning what does that look like do you want to wash your car do you want to go to the park those kind of things we didn't want to do any of that we didn't want to do any yard work you want to be a half mile away from the car wash right exactly and throw the keys at somebody or walk away right exactly so we wanted to be near train station we wanted to be where within two miles and all the festivals right and Uber Uber was big you know Uber or car so I should say and so that was what we wanted to do on our Saturdays we we made a pack years ago that none are weekends we don't do anything like like running errands or work related it's really play on your own your parents during the week oh wow grocery shopping every system dry clean everything everything is right week so every weekend is is for fun and that for the location part of it is just it you know you need to think about this kind of obviously you know families want to think about like school districts and those kind of things I'm I'm very surprised by by meeting parents all the time and they're like I didn't know where you know we bought a house we didn't know it was in a crappy school district and those kind of things and that's a big one so it goes back to your priority list right yeah okay so I have a way of tackling those two it's well I have a little worksheet I've forgotten if we talked about this but it has the three top three or five things each of you need in your house okay now I also say that to the more you have on this list the higher the price gets right I think this is open it doesn't mean aesthetically you mean anything okay so you know for instance we were talking to that you know understanding the motivations of the home okay so in other words the priorities okay is it you know is it the fact that you want to be close in you know key or your spouse may want to have that landmark home something really prominent and you know I don't use worse ostentatious but something you know what is my word here but a really you want a big home right yeah sort of show off your success yeah versus being understated yeah and maybe quiet right and so understanding your priorities but I think listing those top three right yeah I think that's maybe one of the reasons your search adjusted me right you realize some of these other elements were priorities when you didn't realize what you're getting and it's sort of evolved right yeah absolutely absolutely okay and then also to if you're so far off on that priority list especially like one item and you're so far off I mean that's gonna take some time to get to that compromise of it right right right so I didn't want to buy home and so I don't want to get married I don't want to have a kid and I don't want to buy a home and you're okay and what did one year I know I'm just agonizing but the thing about it is that I think like one of the things for me was like I wanted to live urban that meant a lot to me and for Keith I think he needed a little bit more push on that he did it mean not finally he came around to it it didn't take a while but I mean when he starts thinking about like what the weekends look like he was like oh yeah that's definitely what I wanted you know so then who led the charge was it equal for you guys I think I'm just probably more assertive person in the partnership was that the challenging was that natural for him to sort of give that you know pass out on to you yes but also to I think when you break it down to the minutes of the day is is because you spend what 90% you're I mean do you probably know the stat right how much time you spend in your house oh well right we start thinking about that I thought about that I know I think about how much time I spend in my car oh yeah that's true right it's sort of like our office but I know that anyway okay so now the back to your compromise yeah a conversation right I also saw a a a line out in here of you know listening to your spouse once you've identified what your priorities are so that you don't have six to ten of them right active listening or walking through what your list right you're right yeah that would be that would be probably multiple date nights right yeah the first and financial yeah I get date night is going to be just coming up with your list right then compromising on what the list right yeah so that one takes like you know six days right in one lots of wine when when I when we first started dating when Mike and I would have issues like you know this is our first home I don't know if you all knew this this is the first home I sold to Mike almost 20 years ago yeah that is so fun that's strange oh I'm so wild I mean I'm really tired of this home oh yeah I love our house yeah but I'm I'm really ready to move on but when we were in this process my mom was helping us communicate in the things that she would say to me is the role of active listening is to repeat it so what I hear you saying is yeah and so or the other thing is I feel as what is this one yeah active listening what I hear you saying yeah because it's interesting when you say what you felt like you heard how sometimes it's not at all with the right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean I I feel like I feel like up to the point of the phone call but you're ready to buy a house and I ready start looking was probably a year for us oh wow yeah okay so you talked about a year so did you work through all these exercises yes so you can sound okay how did he you probably did it without saying hey yeah exactly right yeah it was just kind of a natural progression right okay so this is the budget this is what's important to us little while you know that kind of thing so and he he owned a house in Kansas City wow he owned his own house and it was like so I've only ever lived urban and so when I moved to his house is like gonna cul-vacac and walked his house the first year we were dating and I've walked right back out I was like there was doily's everywhere and I read and it's like this is not my vibe at all this is a bunch of single guys you know just hand by himself he when he bought his house he looked he rented with a whole bunch of guys but um but he made the house hell just he made the really where the doily's come from I don't know goodwill or something I don't not sure but I will tell you a fun story when we did a garage sale for moving down to Atlanta together there were some people come to the garage house like oh my gosh this is your grandma there's house it's so nice so kneels to say there were you know artificial plants hanging like the vines and the gale pitman plates you know oh my gosh I don't even know what that is okay don't don't yeah hopefully I do yeah I'm gonna set me on the wall I'm gonna have to play with the um why don't I try my patterns no the the anyway this fits into last week's the conversation about preparing your home it was in any way to show your house faster for more money and one of them was editing editing we were talking about our mom's touch geezer oh my gosh that category of grainy chic yeah yeah grainy chic oh he did absolutely everything must go so how much coming from that house to into the city was that a struggle for him no no I don't know I don't think so because he quickly caught on that it's a lot more fun okay so it was easy for you to communicate what your goals were yeah and he adapted to that right yeah okay so you know he does a huge sports fan and so you know live in urban you can get within five miles to pga golf tournament mm-hmm right in a fell football you know soccer all that kind of stuff so I think it just depends on who you are as a partnership right and and how you can do things together too but also separately right you know because I mean I of course I'm going back to your list of priorities right I was like access right okay so did we have this conversation to because one of I think the steps here is and I think we talked about this is finding that that sounding board or that that mentor in your life yeah you get this started yeah how did you how did that work with you so I called it I call it accountability buddy right and so I have my inner circle of people that I could call are going to just be real critical if they need to be with me right maybe you're going to the left too much pull it back in you know you need to look at your partner whatever you know and so when when the three of us you keep an eye were going looking for houses I mean we were steady for like several Saturday's right a couple months right so every Saturday night I would call somebody you know I'd call a dear friend or whatever and say okay this is what you blah blah what do you think about this and this is why and this you know whatever and and just bounce my ideas and it was like completely unbiased opinion that for me was very valuable did you use the same person I mean no I did not which is interesting because like you you have a you have a large group you have a large group of girlfriends so did you find that it I guess you know who to go to for the answer you're looking for yes exactly but I purposely didn't do that because that would be counter productive you know and so okay so you had but I will say though I I took every bit of tidbit advice that you gave me and sometimes they even wrote it down and so I because you were the professional expert and then of course my partner means a lot to me but then I also went to my accountability buddy that was like you need to let this go Mandy or fight for this or blow off whatever so it sounds like you had a really unique situation right you knew the psychology of the situation okay yeah then you had Keith who helped you with the finances in the budget he knew how to manage that right very conservatively yes which I appreciate yes the third one which then you had a sounding border group of friends the lean on right essentially your mentor yeah and then I had a kick butt real estate yeah yeah okay the next I forgot if we talked about this because I think one of the steps in this process to his understanding with the long term goals are oh yeah so when you're looking at buying a home understand what your long term goals are not good at here like this understand your three five ten and fifteen year plan oh no we never did okay because I think that's also going to direct you on what style of home you want right right and but have you on your one of your date nights have y'all come up with that and discuss it yeah and we we switched remember so we were looking at homes with like big yards like the one story kind of ranch style right now we're in three floors and no yard and a healthy H.O.A. and that kind of stuff but it this is what really works for us so you also you brought up a good point this morning when we were chatting before about understanding what you what the characteristics are in your home it sort of goes up to your priorities but you you you're part of the H.O.A. board right you are taking an active role in your community right yes you are now I don't want to say nose to nose or toe to toe with some of the residents you almost feel as if aren't they aren't they seem surprised that they live by the laws of the H.O.A. right so what I'm saying is understand the rules of your community before you move in right absolutely and that's a huge one because just being an H.O.A. board this year I've realized that for a few of them these homes are not right for them for a period of reasons and our our bylaws our restrictions are really strict and and if you get into it and your house is already bought and this isn't right for you I can't imagine what they feel like in the deep dark hours of the night right that had to be some grief and except trying to accept that they made this step and it's probably not for them so are you finding that you're pulling into you're leaning on your your toolbox of psychology yeah definitely yeah definitely and and and letting them come to the realization this isn't the home for them they're just a tiny few of them but they're working um they're it feels like they have to come to it themselves so I mean I'm not with them late at night you know so I don't know but I mean when they when they realize after conversations they realize that this isn't for them then I think they know their plan is to go you know so in a way well because this sort of pairs up with what we were talking about the compromise the compromise yes yes and you've got your three to five things here in junior date night you're also talking about what your priorities are versus your spouse right in this situation you sort of reversed it now you're negotiating with your resident yeah the neighbors about what you do it again be on the board of your joy I think I'm going to go yeah I think so okay cool yeah because there's something kind of powerful about being there for people in their homes and being able to say like hey I'm here as liaison to help you with whatever you're going through outside the gates of you know literally speaking outside the gates of our home you know I think so okay and summary here when you're working with your spouse and understanding the five things that you want or that you should do before buying home with your spouse right it's understanding the why what you're looking for right the priority and priority list right active listening so that you can understand or communicate or you understand what the other is thinking right have a money or a date night yes to get those priorities down understand your long-term goals and then find a mentor or support group right right in your book you wrote there's a chapter a team teamwork makes a dream right yeah that is that's absolutely key to that final one year which is find a support group right absolutely and of course you're trusted mentor your resident or or also to your parent who might also be right absolutely okay so our next topic today it's just psychology of buying a home okay and I think this one's also interesting because it's it's it plays with your mind and I'm re I'm I also have a little I have a little thing I always like to say it's like when I go to buy a car yeah because you know I've lived in our home so long oh yeah all our emotions here that it's fun to go do something like buy a car to remind yourself how stressful it is and I'm just buying a car right house so there's some there's some laws here and I think we talked about one of them is when you're looking for a home it's almost like it's almost like going to a bar and you see a hot guy across the room it's my girlfriend calls it the law of Minimals oh I love it and I feel like this parallels with the house you see a guy across the room and she goes you know what he's hot but she has to catch herself and say is he has he hot or is he just the hottest guy in the room yes so we called it the law of Minimals and it's almost like dating to find your house right yeah is this a cool house or is this the coolest house I've seen yesterday yes I think that's probably one of the keys going back to your your priorities understanding what they are yeah okay yeah absolutely um let's see you can I add a little to that too so also to win I mean you know this but it you know that agents will stage a home right and I call it false advertising a bit it's the same thing in dating right is like you know the first five days of the best right they're putting on their best but for a while that's that's really good three should I get three three yeah three the fourth one but uh but that that false advertising is like oh you know the leaves are falling down oh yeah you know we talked about the smells which I know you'll talk about you know that kind of thing it's so great but you gotta think about what's it gonna look like like the secret speaker down yes yeah after the tree time Monday at 2 p.m. what's your house gonna look like and feel like and it's right you guys still feel that warmth you know keys now an interesting statistic is that in 2000 um 2022 do you know the average number of homes a buyer sees before they make their decision oh my gosh in in 2022 it was eight homes you know because they're flying off shelf right okay but in 1999 before it got yeah crazy it was 12 12 homes in 1999 so it's really it's I mean you know it's not a huge number I feel like I probably the biggest investment you ever do in your life I think 12 homes that's a small number I think I think I've shown like I think it's on average like 10 to 50 well you told me you were like 12 right no oh my god yeah so it is 12 yeah yeah but you told me you've worked a client to floor for like two years yeah I mean sometimes I feel like we need to go through the five steps of yes of what to do in a relationship before they start buying right exactly yeah we might need to go back and have that exercise right exactly and take a year to do that okay home sweet home 10 people 10 and I think we were just talking about this people tend to buy the home that yes reminds them of the home that they do right right right what what style homes did you guys grow up in um yeah ranch I did ranch yeah I grew up in a ranch too yeah with a yard yeah big broad kids playing yeah so I grew up in a ranch and an old house so I maybe that's why I go like old houses but nothing like this yeah yeah yeah so you would feel that would probably be that's not my vibe that's not my vibe at all okay no yeah what did your then what what style home do you find warmth from maybe your grandparents I think like that craft and stuff but also to maybe like the whole nostalgia but more updated okay you know what I'm saying does that make sense so you think something a little bit more right nostalgic or what do they call it to it's like revival oh revival yes revival yeah it could be new but it looks like a craftsman yeah exactly yeah okay there's one interesting stat I saw okay it's called accessibility bias okay basically it goes on the principle like I think Christmas is the or the holidays are a best example of this right you see they're same commercial for kids toys all the time yeah okay yeah and it comes back to where I think your kid or there's a psychological game here that the more you see it the more accessible it is and your brain sees it as having more value oh yeah so that's the key the sort of the opposite side from our job too when we're selling a house it's the faster and more places we can position that home so that you see it more often you start establishing more value to it and you want to go in and of course that that becomes more attractive to right right so the psychology of buying a home accessibility bias the more you see the home the more value you're going to place on it so be aware when you see the home am I am I am I liking it just because I've seen it more like in New York times or in the Wall Street or wherever they feature the place for on your internet right so anyway I think that's interesting and I think toys and in fashion or what right is sort of example yeah good point yeah you thought you fallen for that before um I don't know I'm not sure yeah I could be wearing it I don't know I mean I'm probably wearing all those brands that we see in the commercial yeah there you go exactly you were talking about smells and senses yeah um I think smells are also big yeah right key when when you find a home did you do you remember anything about that so what so one home that we went into is this specifically talking about smells was a home I really really like but I got that old like mall ball smell out of it called and I couldn't shake it I could not shake it and I do realize that like when you put your own furniture in you have your own smells and that kind of stuff but right it I could not shake it it's interesting they say that there was a Harvard study that there's three things that go into this the smells smells are related to making memory more than any other cells out there so smells are a key temperature the optimal temperature for a house is 68 degrees oh wow yeah interesting and light and warmth are another element to make you for warm the room when you walk into a home be aware of those things because sometimes the romance of all these elements coming at you can help you overlook the fact that maybe your family right is falling apart so that that psychology is I think how maybe you overcome right what they call lipstick on a pig yes exactly or or or it's smoke and mirrors yeah yeah yeah smoke and mirrors so I want to add a part of this to I think it's really important to have self-awareness about who you are too before you buy a home because like I'll give an example so me nor a key or handy at all like if I have to spray paint something I kind of want to hire someone you know that kind of thing and so in our home that we built or that we bought we want to just a couple of renovations and one of them is like changing the backslash so we went to one of the local you know hardware stores to pick out the tile and it took us like three and a half hours to pick out the damn tile wow so we're not the people that are going to buy build a house from ground up right you know right but there are people like you bush that are wonderful of that kind of stuff and can make decisions obviously probably a lot quicker yeah you know that's interesting so so having self-awareness that this isn't that's good point yeah you can't if that's not who you are you don't need to get it get yourself into it you know how many did you get any arguments figuring out the the tile yes oh okay oh yeah that's what I took three and a half he walked out and it came out really oh wow oh you walked out of the store oh yeah came back yeah oh that's good time calling you know so I was home oh I was like thank God we're not changing anything else yeah yeah the house you that you're the home that you purchased they did everything yeah all the lighting up grace beautiful I mean in a way it was like the best done home in the community yeah yeah yeah but that backslash was a little weird it was weird it was really really weird you're so cold yeah okay so let's see here understanding your motivation I think one of the psychological the psychology of buying a home one of the steps here is understanding the motivation understanding what is practical and what your needs and wants are right like you said yeah know what you know what you're good at right and so that you are not looking at a fixed rubber right yeah no you're notations yes exactly and there's some people I loved ones that are so good it just they're so handy they could just build their own house and they needed to that kind of thing and they enjoy that right so go for it we we had I love this story Mike's family were plumbers and so our families were a really great job I mean career paths and help us move out of first house so tells you an idea of how long ago this has we had a hard backed home depot book yeah yeah dad on speaker phone and we were soldering the because we were redoing the bathroom and we were soldering the copper together for this like you know shower head and his dad was talking to us it was a whole experience I mean we got plenty of arguments too like that nothing like a home project to get to know the communication sound right exactly yes exactly yeah okay so what other um talking about the psychology and communication because I think that's what it boils down right exactly understanding yourself and your spouse and probably just being more honest with it right so what do you think above all is the key to communication with your spouse oh gosh that's a good question um I would say make understanding and making sure that your goals are pretty pretty aligned with where you want to go right even six months for now or three years five years that kind of you know okay say that probably means the most so understanding your goals and understanding what the long-term path of your relationship is so a generation or two before us usually bought houses for their life right good point um but we're not doing that anymore there's our generation's not right the average number of years that people are spending at homes now prior to pandemic was four years oh wow yeah so there we go yeah so we'll stay here for five years move on you know whatever the example is but we're you know our generation's is not buying homes for life my my father has you know he he's usually the one I call for like work stuff mom who I call for psychology because they're both in real estate oh yeah dad dad would always tell me he goes help your help your clients build by home day of course if they can afford but just a little bigger than they think because I think that once you start growing you have the child and you don't realize how much stuff right yeah exactly or the hobby or what elder else you're doing right right and I think people going into pandemic were probably pretty pretty appreciative of that right because they also moved their home office right everybody else in their life is the house so true yeah absolutely that makes that a sense now john some new york will spend a lot of time in New York so how are you doing in your your space right now let's back back to my living in New York yeah really oh my gosh I just sized down when I came here all my stuff is still in New York but um yeah so I sized down but I you know it's been easy and the location is beyond perfect so it kind of makes up for the lack of closet space oh definitely right oh yeah now once you make the location decision because I've heard people mention this do you find that you're actually taking advantage of being in town sounds like you are yeah well john doesn't cook I'm trying to get him to cook oh so let's talk about lifestyle this is a great transition john yes what since you are living in the city yeah talk to me about because both of you um I'm I'm just an old Mary guy that lives into here um what tell me what the highlights are of the city about why why you love living here oh access access so yeah totally festivals festivals restaurants I mean we just you know if you want a cocktail and a specific cocktail right at 450 you know where to get it in the afternoon yeah exactly right yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah yeah right exactly yeah we uh I go to the stock park that has a cocktail bar there right where's that so it's in Bucket um okay um it's right about Bucket Library got it yeah yeah it's great it's awesome and so the other day I just finished this like really big HOA board meeting that was huge and I needed a drink and I wanted something specific they have at the dog park they have this frozen Mart spiced margarita it's phenomenal I'm telling it it's yeah it's forcing it's right location in that in you's flu truck or whatever yeah yeah it's all like yeah so I'm like I'm going to take my dog to the dog park and I'm just going to have a drink into celebrate you know so I got to do that and you know I mean just the access to go the dog park and have a drink cool nice yeah half a mile from Piedmont Park for me too oh right double walk and if you need to get your five thousand steps yeah you got it make a lot of the park it's so great yeah so the access of it right okay so where and where you so Mandy I don't know if you know this not only Mandy's got in the camper she got an upgraded camper like you've already turned it in and got a bigger way like to my point by one bigger than you think you're gonna be right yeah where where you camping and so all everywhere anywhere anywhere a trees and do you have like an radius like an hour like it has to be within three hours or no our drive time is like six hours in the max with the camper but okay we stop and then we can keep going or whatever but yeah uh-huh and what's the name of your dog oh halo halo so as halo goes everywhere with you everywhere do they restrict pets at camper no no never okay and so once you go are there restaurants there do you cook it just depends on the campground so there's like let luxurious campgrounds that have restaurants and they've food delivery to your campsite oh wow I know really and they have a little barcarts okay so to that point you talked to me about going to the garden yeah is that it like linear yes and how amazing is it it's amazing but okay it's amazing like I go down or yeah we bring our camp right linear islands yes okay yeah uh-huh how big is this place uh I don't know I'm pretty big is it golf course there's a golf course is spa wow the bar cart comes around no kidding the food delivery it sounds like a reality it's actually amazing is it it is it so are you going there are you going on there in your new camp yeah oh yeah yeah yeah we've already camped there a couple of times yeah how long do you stay there uh usually like a weekend okay what types of um what's the demographic of people that are there so interestingly the demographic it different states uh-huh different so like like linear it's a majority people color okay and so that's nice we're so close at lane it's so great right um liberal more liberal okay that kind of thing um but if you go to we camped in Alabama in my couple weeks ago it was more conservative oh you know so it's so you've you've got all age ranges there too at the camp site now are these kids like homeschooling or you just see them so there's since the pandemic there's the the um it's the president yeah the president of full-timers which means full-time camper that just go around the country right have increased by like over 50 percent I don't remember the exact standout so there's a ton of full-timers that you meet have you considered doing that I would love to do a bit Keith long oh okay I would do it like tomorrow wow that's like I can't wait for a little to graduate by that's so a while I don't know how long she's flying did my head you know what my concern is what I do with my plans oh well give them to you and then you just like yeah no look keep like a condo or something down here right good point I think maybe history of housekeeper comes in she's hose there we go oh yeah that's a good point yeah so that's another thing too okay this is like this is actually a goal that we didn't know we had okay it's like we want to actually camp for like months at a time oh wow yeah so yeah so Keith can take a sabbatical for his job and so we'll go for like a couple of well the house that we live in you just you just lock it up and go they've got a big no you are yeah so we didn't know that at the time but if I didn't have access because that's gonna mean a lot to me coming soon or whatever if we didn't know that at the time but that may be something to put it your priorities change right right so then where do you store the camper we store it near Margaritaville to mile there oh wow sounds really convenient very okay so I go there all the time yeah I mean plus it's awesome so Halo what dog parts your favorite the size of the good the one that one that one that one that one yeah the rest of them are they're just getting run over by like homeless which is great or housing insecure right which is great for them but for me as a as a woman that's taken my your child out yeah it's just yeah yeah okay yeah so I mean it's just one of those things but so you have to pay for that dog parts called Fetch oh yeah of course Fetch okay so right because I guess a lot of the dog parts without the bars are just public spaces you right yeah okay which is fine you know it's yeah public spaces okay so next one is top restaurants in the city yeah what are your favorite Jon, Jon who I usually lean on for I think is it Margos no what's your favorite restaurant oh Marcel Marcel everyone loves that place yeah I’m pescatarian so right so we'll get to that in a moment yeah what's your favorite thing to eat at Marcels the filet okay that's over in okay the shrimp cocktail to start yeah salad and then the filet I'm hungry I want a margarita and a filet spicy margarita with a filet opening up with a shrimp cocktail yeah exactly right exactly okay so what's yours oh King and Duke where's oh King and Duke of course so within what's so use pescatarian vegetarian or how does that how do you so yeah yeah yeah yeah if there's not if there's not seafood option that okay I like whatever then I'll go vegetarian have you been to is it Dirty Vegan oh Slutty Vegan yeah yeah yeah so good I talk to my dad there they come in for the holidays or whenever and it's I mean it's worth standing in line for I will not stand one for breakfast place but I'll do it for a lunch place I mean how does Flying Biscuit get away with that I don't know every I mean I have no people rave about it you know the throw biscuits you know where the hell the biscuits being thrown yeah it's the they they're doing something like oh gosh I think nothing about lifestyle okay what's that so the other night this is the greatest story the other night Keith went to bed early the Ella goes to bed at 7:30 right Keith was in bed by like 7:37 I'm not kidding I don't know and I was like I need a cocktail so ordered wine and a poke bowl after like at midnight if they delivered a lot they delivered one yeah wow I thought oh yeah yeah there yeah so like so I was like at midnight so I was up like kind of you know I do my thing I can't remember I was Uber Eats or something okay but I can't remember the restaurant but I'm not up to my thing and I was like it's like 11:37 and I was like let's have wine and poke bowl ordered it in like 15 minutes later is that my doorstep you know so I'm like that's I won't ever give that up yeah you know what I'm saying like I can't my whole thing is not living where I can't get a poke bowl at midnight right yeah mine mine are yeah that's yours probably the festivals I mean we have this new one that's that's here that you know we were both the lederhosen’s for that I'm sure you've been to Porch Festival yeah yeah where it's it's 250 well you've know just tell the audience it's 200 250 different bands play on the different various front porches throughout the neighborhood Virginia Highland has it now it was an idea from Michigan I believe to that we adapted that then other neighborhoods are are adopting and so it's wonderful in the fall and Inman Park is getting a little overrun with the Inman Park Festival but you know try not to be that guy that's like oh back in the day this is so much fun yeah because it's still a great yeah exactly you know you're just getting used to having more people around you yeah right yeah we have house guests and we take an investment it's the best way to entertain how they love it yeah they love it between that and the Beltline yes yeah exactly they're just there's so much to do you can distract them they can have their own drinks yeah they're they're sort of like responsible for them yeah oh and did you have you been to the Chili Cook off over in yeah Cabbage yeah Cabbage Town yeah it's great it's great I haven't been there since COVID but yeah it's great yeah it's a really good one it is a great one do you know one of my favorite festivals which ones its so you know the Old Fourth Ward they're doing festivals now across from the Ponce City Market it's like an open green space they're doing festivals there like all the time uh pretty often so every week so there's two festival seasons are you aware April and September October okay yeah so I mean a good couple of festivals a year whatever I mean we have a barbecue in blues in the summer and it's just like what do they think that's why the changed Pride there was a whole political thing over that which is fine because you're right in the fall and that one year that it was coupled with Halloween it was just like a big gay explosion in town I mean give us an opportunity to wear more costumes right exactly exactly it's so true but the festival is the Cheese Festival oh it's like a like they do grill cheeses that they have like a little um you know a little different kind of cheeses from all over the world you can try and they pair with like wine and drink oh it's awesome it's awesome that sounds amazing yeah yeah we also have Wine Crawl here in March hmm wait have you done that in our neighborhood oh yeah you yeah we did do that together yeah we met up with that we so there's the different businesses and they all have like they have about five different wines you you just basically they call it the Wine Crawl I was president one year at the in the neighborhood oh thank you oh I think it went well but my personalities to formalize things and probably upcharge it so I was turned I was rebranding it to the Oakhurst Wine Tasting oh did not go over oh no no no so now it's back to the Oakhurst Wine Crawl because again you're just drinking for four hours yeah it turns into a crawl right exactly right yeah yeah so anyway and you just on that when you just see people with your little closet your little glass and more you want to buy yeah yeah and then you see them stream across your yard the next morning exactly like that was a good time exactly yeah so one of the aspects of the scene you're really loving right now as if you're talking about just the diversity and the way it's opening up to it's opening up and at one point you tell me a stat that there was over a hundred people a day moving into the city oh I forgot about that yeah it sounds really intelligent yeah this is a couple years ago so it's probably exacerbated by now right absolutely it feels like literally there is something opening almost every day if not every two days you know and so for instance you know having a four-year-old and before we dropped her off to school yesterday we went to go see Santa at the North Pole and it was in Virginia Highlands when was this yesterday when it was already out yeah oh yeah he's been out since August wow but so we took Jason with us and um and um it was like this coveted appointments like your two-year waitlist it's phenomenal but anyway so the whole place is like it's just a whole North Pole situation and then you can pass by the way you can thank you I don't know I felt the upwards coming out as I s*** for phenomenal so anyway um but yeah so like we won't see North Pole at 9 a.m. before we dropped off at school yesterday and like there's a Slime Museum opening up in the next oh like this sounds like something fun to rent out no I know that's on saying it's like no constantly so what I've been doing you make your slime yes you do there yeah so what I've been doing since the first day I moved down to Atlanta is I started making a list I don't know how I fell with me but I started making a list I will have this list on our social site somewhere I literally update this list probably weekly if not a couple of times okay goody and so and so I haven't broke down into like you know date nights kid friendly gay bars like all this kind of stuff and I and I've been trying to put like when events come up you know like if there's like a wine tasting it whatever or like Mary's proud what is it Mary’s in East Atlanta karaoke on Fridays so whatever you know I've been trying to write that farmer's market I put all the schedule for the farmer's markets and there's having so if you have come a long weekend or just like oh let me pull something off or whatever you know I have that for New Orleans but it's not like up to date oh okay yeah yes I'm we can compare notes on that one so I've heard it listen to people so we can keep it like yeah this legit though mine is like hundreds of items you have do you have happy karaoke one or two on there no no it's my favorite thing to go to in in the winter when there's nothing else to do okay in fact we like to go to North China Eatery and then because that's BYOB okay and then you can take whatever BYOB is left and to take it over to Happy Karaoke 2 oh wow because that's BYOB yeah and there's probably two or three different karaoke some of them feel like you're walking in something super shady yeah within there's others where it's like there's a full bar right and you can get pizza there or just have your pizza delivered right yeah it's I love some karaoke in the middle of winter right there's nothing else to do yeah so that's so the the thing it's so I would say within a month we have at least one house guest a month right really oh yeah wow because the airports right here you also have like 40 favorite girlfriends yeah exactly I gotta pass it yeah and so and so when we have a house I'm like oh someone says coming in yeah she likes shoes and wine well guess what there's a wine bar that has shoes really yeah it's wild so literally I look what we have it um I haven't written down but I think it's like Shoe Wine ar okay okay cool I've it on the list okay but my whole thing is is that I tailor what we're gonna do for the weekend when the house guest comes in specifically to that house guest wow and that's the beautiful thing about living in the city is that you can we come spend a weekend with you and Buckhead okay I'm plan a whole thing after we spend a weekend in in Jimmy Buffett's place on the lake yeah exactly right well we can have campfire chats and yeah campfire chats those are the best I know right oh yeah wonderful when you're out in the middle of nowhere and your phone doesn't work yes yes you know I'm not I know I love that yeah our camper has three TVs though oh my god three TVs like is there one in the bathroom there's how do you how do you cram three TV’s in a camper three TVs in our camper yeah we were talking about this yesterday we had that mean last week that yeah that have a I saw home that had 15 televisions in the house and it wasn't a monster home three of them were in the bedroom oh my gosh bathroom into the bedroom oh my gosh you know they love television yeah well we don’t think we watch that much TV yeah well we do you're like you have documentaries and cheesy stuff like that you’re like you have to watch this and oh my gosh I feel like I have to take a shower afterwards probably yeah we’re watching the Dahmer one now I just finished up the one with Steve Carell when he was held that's not a documentary but he's held down the basement oh yeah don't want to give that one away because that one took me the best surprise oh gosh what is in the documentary we just watch I mean I've been I've been also sucked into well the ones about New Orleans and Katrina those the Five Days of Memorial oh yeah the ones like Seaspiracy talking about your pescatarianism oh that would be something I would truly look at okay because it talks about sourcing fish and which ones are sustainable and which ones are probably for me as little you don't want to get right yeah right but that's a good one yeah about the dolphin safe tuna yeah that gets a little negative and are you a vegeterian now or working on it okay yeah a dabble I still dabble with chicken I flirt with chicken okay flirt with it maybe maybe a filet if we're out someplace special oh I would die if I saw you eat steak I don't think I've ever done it yeah I mean we have this awesome grill out back ones last time we use it well for chicken yeah yeah yeah so okay what's your second favorite restaurant Del Bar, Del Bar's good energy and I've never heard it Inman Park what is it's it's like a similar to Rumi’s Mediterranean yeah I mean they've got I don't know how the neighbors haven't complained about the noise coming out of that place because they've got speakers mounted on the front right amazing wow big patio out front with lots of seating there great looking staff staff yeah like we always see it's always a scene yeah oh it is yeah feel like you have to brush your teeth to go that one okay so speaking of brushing your teeth do you brush your teeth to go to brunch yes okay so I mean this sounds like well do you brush your teeth to get a dinner like my good bra and stuff okay okay so then what's your favorite brunch place um oh gosh this is a big question everybody always text yeah where are your favorite brunch place yeah um I'll tell you what I really like Buttermilk Kitchen where's that this is on Roswell Road in probably one of my favorite brunch places okay the cocktails are really good but yeah they just I mean it feels like everything is homemade you know so that's probably good I mean Murphy's I guess you know I mean I'm not waiting in line at Flying Biscuit no no it's not happening what's your favorite brunch place I love I we recently found Ms Iceys on on Clairmont okay so this shopping center has all of our favorite restaurants right with there's the Indian place there's the barbecue place there's the pizza place or Athens pizza which you know whatever it's Athens pizza it's convenient although I love Nancy's Deep Dish better in midtown then there's or Avalinos in our neighborhood restaurant okay and then there's the Poboy Shop okay the bar downstairs where it has Google Earth on Bourbon Street we just like to look at the drunks oh my god but Ms Icys or Ms Icys is on the end brunch DJ completely different crowd you've ever expect I love that place oh wow that's awesome yeah big bar seating as well as on the outside of it too but come expecting and brush your teeth and wear a nice bra yeah yeah yeah yeah  shade yeah shade that's awesome what about you Jon, well maybe South City Kitchen yeah yeah it's so good yeah the food is consistent there yeah it's consistent so it's like it's shrimp and grits probably yeah greens Bloody Mary the green tomato’s yeah the fried green tomato’s they are and yeah everyone loves it yeah um I will say so during the lockdown um we I made a pack that like when we would get take out food we would do a different ethnic food on Buford Highway love it each week and the website and we did it for like two years straight we did something different like Cantonese Ethiopian I mean I was just like pick something like on you know I'd find some reviews or whatever have you heard of eatbufordthighway.com so it has all the restaurants and they it's a pretty cool website that pops all the different restaurants you can go through oh okay yeah oh that's awesome for the next one you yeah there we go yeah the next like global pandemic yeah yeah yeah yeah go on so that was cool just you know finding out all this you know they had Peruvian food like every there there was a stat we're looking at homes you that you had told us yes it's the most the most the most diversity of languages on the marquees on any stretch of highway in the United States right I think they may have even set the parameter on a mile but that stretch it's the most international it was before pandemic yeah I'm assuming it's probably just gotten more diverse right exactly yeah you can stumble into any taco place over there and they're pretty much all amazing yeah yeah yeah yeah we're guys I think this sort of sums up our idea let's go to lunch and then this sums up our first our first podcast of Porch’n with Butch and Jon and thank you Mandy for joining us i mean you get some legitimacy to our to our social experiment here with all of your accolades and your degrees listen thank you for joining us today and see us on the porch next week!